Even though I am disabled, I can now perform 3 – one ton machine lifts and looking to take it to the absolute human maximum. You might ask yourself how is it possible since I spend most of my time in a wheelchair? Some people are built to excel at the impossible–that is just me– but you might be even more shocked to learn that school went a long way in putting me into my wheelchair.
Having medical insurance is huge load of garbage as their strategy is overwhelmingly do nothing and send you on your way. Objective medical test mean nothing (they love them if they are negatively and dismiss them if they are positive) 2 torn shoulders broken finger, broken hand pinch nerves nerve conduction studies all dismissed as they were inconvenient truth, bloody noses gashes on my skull sutures meant and mean nothing. Doctors, overall are as full of crap as teachers are.
Doctors almost mended nothing for me and teachers even failed to teach me to read.
My childhood was extremely abusive so much so that one of my hobbies was counting the bumps on my head. Yes seriously. The damage had accumulated relatively quickly and I already was suffering from black outs, lost time and horrible vertigo.
Joe Rogan says “that everybody struggles, everybody grinds.” So I too struggle, I too grind.
I can also tell you that most people could care less about you. As Bruce Lee said ”–no one is coming to save you, there is no help other than self help.” So save yourself.
So I save myself. The classic 98 pound weakling, my first push ups did not feel like push ups it felt like I was trying to move the Earth and I had failed. All to the chagrin of my father who had no time for losers.
Yes, school may have put me into a permanent sitting position but you have to rise above your circumstance. The suffering is real as I am always in pain. Perhaps it would be better served by the powers that be that they solve the PAIN crisis as they hide behind the opioid one. Well, I am 100% against school violence but it is hard, based on my traumatic experiences, to be surprised by it. It is easy to predict that due to the way schools are run, that the violence will not only continue but will accelerate. It is clear that the adults of the world have failed our children.
So the world should take grim heed to my lesson. Now no single step is a cure all for anything, but if you end bullying you will cut down on this insanity by 90%.
School not only failed me but actively took place in augmenting my torment. And being disabled is no gift, so you can all stop patting yourself on the back and clearing your own conscience. Being disabled is a POS and it sucks-so don’t atta boy me for being in chair, atta boy me cause their is not enough weights in the gym for me to lift. If you didn’t understand me the first time let me make it clearer: Being in a chair, with limited abilities is no gift it is a raging ugly curse.
Due to a long list of maladies, I have always found it hard to keep and get a job. I was so injured my last year of high school I had to drop out and take a year to recover and crawl my way through till I graduated. Yes, I went back a year later but it sucked. It was torturous and whether they realized it or not, I barely made it through. I had terrible agoraphobia. I was perpetually exhausted, I was constantly dizzy, disoriented, falling, had panic attacks and found it hard to walk and function. All the strength I had fought for a decade vanished seemingly instantly. As if someone had finally unearthed the kryptonite and I now laid dangerously at deaths door. I went from bench pressing 263 pound to doing 33 pounds. Yes, I said 33 pounds. It took YEARS to get it back. (this would happen to me several time sin life where my life force just seemed to suddenly leave me)
So I hid in my garage (door closed), bench pressing, for years till I got back some power.
School, did, of course, prove to be the most dangerous place in the world after being assaulted over 300 times. It has left me partially paralyzed, with severe vertigo, seizures, a limp, black outs, short term memory loss, partially blind and brain damage (the hit and run accident I had years later made everything that much worse). There is also the Post Traumatic concussions disorder, PTSD, PBE, TODD’S Disease, herniated disks, pinched nerves, end stage neuropathy, spinal stenosis, epilepsy, severe arthritis, two torn shoulders, torn left meniscus, a neck tear and permanent suffering as I am NEVER, ever out of pain, not a minute not a second–not one. (over and over again doctors and hospitals consistently denied me treatment, evidence meant nothing remember they work for insurance companies not for you. From cast to stiches to rehab it was a double middle finger in my face) To compound it all, it is incredibly hard to sleep at night. When people say ‘kids need an education’ I sure as hell got one that could become its own chapter in DANTE’S INFERNO; and perhaps not so ironically, I ended up attending what I unaffectionately call: the Stephen King Elementary School, a wonderful educational system set up somewhere in the middle of hell. And like all people damaged by others, there is this mad obsession with having to blame the victim. So every experience is compounded by those that shame and convict the injured.
I offer as proof that I was the ONLY one ever suspended for fighting. As it “–takes two to fight–” as my sagely Napoleonic Benjamin Franklin appearing tormentor with the unfortunate title of principal often liked to drill into my elementary school little head. (That it was too often 30 thugs meant little to him as it was often the case in my life. I often secretly wondered if he and my father were related). But he went on with authority and said ‘–BOTH must be wrong.’ That’s like saying, if you get mugged you share some of the burden. See, for me, this is a flat out lie. DON’T MUG PEOPLE, don’t rape people! I do not care where their wallet was or how short their skirt was. But evil will always make excuses (because their goal is to find justification for those things their dark little minds really want to do–its all just smoke and mirrors, they are just dirt bags) MEN, real men, accept responsibility, cowards never do and never will.
They will ALWAYS find a way to blame someone else.
These are the teachers and principals and school administrators that allowed 10 year old kid to be so violently assaulted he get blinded in school (in an already injured eye), under your watch,– And what action did they collectively agree upon? Not to own up to their negligence and have their insurance company cover the injury but instead to escape liability they compound the crime by hatching a scheme to cover up their corrupt? They falsity his school records (his permanent records) and inform his parents that he is ”–only doing it for attention.” Their was no attack, their was no injury, it never happened.
Instead they label me as someone suffering from a mental illness that required treatment. That the blindness was “all in his head and psychological.”
Now tell me how sick that is? For a year, I was denied proper medical attention because they successfully convinced my parents that I was ‘faking it’ and only doing for the spotlight. Worse they tell my parents you are ’–so concerned with his mental deterioration you will, at the schools expense, bring in assistance in order to help him through this immensely difficult time’?
And that help is to send him to a psychiatrist. But this in no way ruined my reputation?
The school nurse teachers and principal repeatedly told me that “seeing is a choice” “that it is up to you if you will see again or not.”
The absolute horror of it all is MY PARENTS believed them, my neighbors, my friends, my brothers, the students, the teachers and I now had a reputation that would NEVER leave me. Along with injuring my eye I had sustained yet another concussion, my balance was already poor and now it was worse I chalked my falling and stumbling my dizzy spells up to the fact that I was clumsy and accident prone idiot. Besides it was what my tough and gruff Dad had always told me anyway. So It was exceedingly easy to believe them too. I often thought maybe i WAS MENTALLY ILL, MAYBE i WAS JUST TOO EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT TO REALIZE i COULD IF ONLY i LET MYSELF.
MY PRINCIPAL, SCHOOL NURSE AND OTHERS adults WOULD repeatedly TELL ME HOW “SEEING IS YOUR CHOICE.” “YOU CAN SEE ANYTIME YOU WANT TO, THAT IS UP TO YOU.”
But what’s the wrap up folks?
I ended up having 3 ‘fake’ surgeries on my eye. Two at a very prominent Eyes Ear Nose and Throat Hospital. Yes 3, and I am now legally blind in my left eye though they were able to restore a significant level of my eye sight. Perhaps my eye is ‘better’ now but what of the emotional and psychological damage? Can we honestly say there was none?
Who would you confide in after that? You think getting those surgeries restored my reputation? Well I assure it did not. You honestly think they told people I was blind? That i needed and had surgeries? Well let me clear that up for you, they did not. In fact during one of my surgeries they expressly told the kids I ”–had been suspended for criminal activity.”
Bullies perpetuate evil and our world wide love affair with violence only reinforces its continuation.
Next time you think that bullying is some cave man right of passage just think of me and remember I am permanently disabled most bound to a wheelchair with traumatic brain injury partial blindness and seizures and blackouts.
Image going to your elementary school and being on the short end of over 300 assaults? That these beatings, over time proved so severe you ended up being permanently disabled? Imagine not once did a grown up teacher, principal, cop or crossing guard interceded on your behalf? Nope instead they often laughed. Imagine that was Only the beginning. Now you have a glimpse into the life a brown eyed little boy who did not have enough sense to wash the stars out of his eyes.
He was so kind hearted, so well natured he was certain that at least eventually he could make everyone his friend. But he would soon wake up from his very own Disney story to realize that the nightmare was indeed his true reality.